Has this past year just flown by? Or is it just me?! Wow what a year it has been. A kaleidoscope of emotions. Monumental growth off the back of significant life changes, that just kept changing.
Sometimes I reflect and I feel a wave of emotions, for where I was, where I am and where I am going. There’s been devastation, heartbreak, pain, sadness, loss, grief and I’m courageous enough to admit that I still have moments- moments where I remember the journey I have been on. The people I have loved and lost, the sacrifices I have made and the things I have let go of, and that’s ok because I am honest about healing and there’s something beautiful about imperfection.
There’s something beautiful about putting yourself back together- gloriously whole with renewed sparkle but always aware that the cracks whilst healed will always be visible, when you truly look into yourself. But I never want to dismiss my cracks or hide them because they are me and they make me who I am. Every crack holds a lesson but either before or after that lesson was a blessing. It’s not about holding pain or hurt but it’s about acknowledging the journey, then and only then can you start to mend those cracks, but they never leave us as they are part of us.
I am strong, resilient and brave not because I reject my emotions and feelings. Not because I distract myself and pretend I’m always happy. I am these things because I am authentic and I am authentic because I am vulnerable. I am strong and resilient because I made a choice to pick myself up off the floor and wipe away my tears. I am brave because I’m unafraid to talk about the real me- the raw and messy me. The me that is still healing. Still learning and still growing. Always choose courage over comfort. The familiar maybe safe but it won’t lead you to the potential magic and that’s where the power is!
I’ve also learnt so much about myself. Sometimes you don’t see your own growth and it’s not until others mention it to you that you can fully grasp how far you have come. More importantly to me, is that by being open and vulnerable, this allows me to connect to others and help them on their journey.
It amazes me that through an incredibly painful period, where I really had to dig deep, to face my darkness, I managed to start this blog, start writing my first book, have articles published on a global blog, start my education and training in holistic counselling and coaching and actually start seeing clients! On top of this I soon start my training, volunteering for a crisis phone line. But most importantly I sat with all my feelings and emotions and I have dealt with it all. I have worked so bloody hard on my healing and it’s not been easy.
I have never looked at myself in awe but I do look at what I have achieved in awe. It’s not about followers, or likes for me, it’s about reaching people. If I reach just one person and I help them, then that is an absolute gift. I submitted my first piece of writing to the Elephant Journal 8 months ago and since that time I have had 14 pieces published with over 24,000 reads and over 5,200 shares, to me this means my words resonate and that’s the power of writing from your heart.
Where to from here? I keep working hard following my purpose. I keep learning. I keep healing. I keep growing. I continue to be grateful for all that I had and was, all that I have and am and all that is coming. I remain kind, generous, giving and loving. But most of all I remain raw and vulnerable because nothing is more important to me than being authentic and genuine.
I am positive but in an honest and realistic way because sometimes I have moments that are not great. Sometimes things in life make me sad, angry, scared, frustrated but they also make me happy, excited and passionate. I’ve felt failure and success and I’m thankful for that. I’ve won and I’ve lost but through it all, I’ve kept it real. Through it all I’ve grown into the person I was meant to become but of course that journey never ends.
If I can give any advice, I would say, don’t lose who you are-the person you are at the core. Speak your truth, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it might be, as anything less will slowly destroy you. It’s easy to get caught up in what you think you should be doing or who you think you need to be, but honestly it isn’t worth it. Lying to yourself is the greatest disservice. You can’t give what you haven’t got.
Be courageous and vulnerable and listen to your inner voice and if that calls for tough conversations, have those tough conversations. Most of all, please don’t by-pass what needs to be healed because it will only cause you pain in the long run and it stifles any longterm growth. Listen to your soul, it will always guide you in the direction you need to go. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness”- Brene Brown.