Letting go can be hard, but it’s so much harder to hang on.
We always hear the mantra “let go of what no longer serves you”. Sounds simple, I mean why would we want to hang onto something that does not serve us? That causes us pain, sadness, or simply blocks us from growth? People. Things. Ideas of how you thought things should be. Whatever it is that no longer evokes passion, brings you joy, induces peace.
People change. Things change. Ideas change. Dreams change. Life changes. The people we are at 20 and the people we share our life with maybe vastly different to what “serves us” at 30, 40, 50. We are allowed to change. We are allowed to walk a different path and we are allowed to let go. So why do we find it so bloody hard?
We hang on because letting go seems so final. Instead of the release and the ability to put one foot in front of the other- slowly moving forward, we grip on so tightly to what we know or how we thought things would be-that we trip ourselves over and over again. Because we are conditioned to believe we have to follow a certain path. We are taught that we need a partner to make us whole. We think material things bring happiness.
So we hang on triggering ourselves, like a broken record going round and round. We allow our thoughts and our memories to loop like a constant barrage of f*cking despair. We struggle to understand that we can pave our own road– perhaps a vastly different one and that’s more than ok.
On my journey, I have come to realise that we do need to “let go”. Whilst letting go of some of these things has been damn hard and quite the process, the freedom that follows is the ultimate gift.
I’ve let go of the Need to Control Outcomes
I accept there are things in life I cannot control, no matter how hard I might try.
When we put so much focus on our needs and try desperately to control how everything will turn out- we cause ourselves pain, worry and anxiety. We also come from a place of lack and this my friends puts resistance out into the universe. I trust energy and the flow of life.
It’s taken me a long time to realise I just need to do the hard work, including the deep inner work on myself, know what I want, be the kind, forgiving, generous and grateful person I am, then let go, trust and surrender, that everything will happen at the right moment.
I’ve let go of People Pleasing
I love helping people but I have allowed myself to put others first repeatedly and this has come at a huge cost. I’m a rescuer and whilst it’s wonderful to be supportive, we can take it too far and that’s detrimental to both our wellbeing and that of those we are trying to “rescue”. Sometimes we need to say NO. Sometimes we need boundaries and sometimes we need to put ourselves first.
I no longer seek external validation to feel liked or accepted. I’ve stopped expecting others to give me what I wasn’t giving myself. I’ve learnt how to make powerful choices for myself- for my highest good, without worrying what others think or whether I’m disappointing them.
I’ve let go of Chasing Happiness
I no longer look externally for happiness. My happiness is not going to be found in a job, a house, a car, a partner, or success and money. These things can compliment an already happy and fulfilled life but they will NEVER make you happy longterm. I no longer project my happiness into an imaginary future and have stopped waiting for “things to happen”.
My happiness is found inside of me. We aren’t going to be happy all of the time-we are human beings, with a range of emotions and life experiences to navigate. Putting your happiness in the hands of someone else or external things is attachment and this will cause you to be forever chasing and never feeling satisfied.
I’ve let go of the Need to be Busy
Distraction is what we do when we do not want to deal with our emotions and feelings. Address issues in our life or have difficult conversations. We’ve all been in that place, where we are sad, confused, hurt and in pain so we throw ourselves into work. We fill every waking hour with activities, to do lists, socialising, drinking and whatever else we do, to just stop ourselves from actually dealing with what is inside of us. To bury our feelings.
I’ve been told in the past “get busy” when I’ve been suffering. This is so unhealthy. We need to listen to our body and feel what needs to be felt. I allow myself to be still, to stop and to feel because I know that is what will heal me. I speak my truth, own my shit and address what needs to be addressed. Life is about balance, it’s not about who can survive on the least amount of sleep. Who can work the most hours. Or who can ignore their emotions or feelings the most.
I’ve let go of my Beliefs around Relationships
I don’t look at relationships as a fairytale. I no longer look at a partner as my “other half”- someone to make me whole. I don’t have an expectation that they are to make me happy- that it’s their responsibility to fulfill me. That we become a couple and lose ourselves. A relationship should never be needy and controlling-there should always be boundaries.
I see my partner as complimenting my life and I his. We will be two interesting, independent, whole individuals who add value to each other. There will be honesty, loyalty, trust and the ability to be real and have those raw and difficult conversations. There will be an undeniable energy, passion and chemistry because I won’t settle.
I no longer follow the script. We usually marry young-some times it works and often times it does not. I have let go of judgement because my relationship is my business and we change. Our relationships change and if the environment is no longer conducive to growth and happiness, it’s our choice to leave. Why settle somewhere? Companionship is beautiful, as is love and care-which we can choose. Energy and chemistry is not in our control and there’s some real magic in in that.
Follow your soul it knows the way.
Always healing. Always learning and growing in the universe of life. Letting go can be so f*cking hard but by doing so, I have started my greatest ever love story- the one where you fall in love with yourself and your life. By doing so the smouldering burn within me, sparked to a full blown fire of purpose and passion- which unleashed my wings, my beautiful wings that set me free.
“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself’- Deepak Chopra.