“We are all just walking each other home”- Ram Dass
I have always loved the above quote. Going through loss, pain, grief and a host of other confronting and turbulent emotions over the past few years, I have reflected on this quote often.
There are time in life we feel lost, confused and disconnected, from ourselves, each other, and the world around us. But most of us do not like to feel these emotions and feelings and often, we will do anything to distract ourselves from actually dealing with them. We forget what it’s like to be seen and we forget to actually open our eyes and see, most often we don’t see the truth.
We believe how we see things is the truth, but we forget everything we see is through a filter of our own perception. If we are truthful we want to be seen for our soul, the person we are on the inside, when everything else is stripped away.
We spend so much of our time on autopilot. Doing what we have always done. Living the life we perceive we should and being the person we think we need to be. We completely lose who we are. Who we are deep in our soul. If we strip it all back and be completely honest with ourselves; are we living the life we truly want? Are we where we want to be? Are we showing up as our authentic self? Have we faced our darkness?
Until we face it all, we won’t be able to rediscover ourself. Until we become conscious, we just slip through life in a haze.
I’ve been on this journey and it’s bloody hard, anyone who says it’s easy is bypassing the truth. Is rug-sweeping the emotions and feelings. Whilst there is real beauty in finding yourself, the path is painful and you know you have to go through that pain to heal it. It’s a spiritual journey and it’s a profoundly honest journey. Everything is unmasked. Every lie we have told ourselves and others, every betrayal, every loss and the sadness can at times have you on your knees.
Any guilt and shame will slap you hard when you are already feeling beaten. It really is the metaphorical falling on your sword; cut, bloodied and bruised, you stand before those you need to speak your truth to, because they deserve the truth. You cleanse the slate and you begin to move forward, without knowing where you are actually going.
It’s when you are in this darkness, with your truth, that you start to see some light. It’s the breaking down of who you were, who you are, that allows you to begin to heal. Without healing, there is no growth and without growth, you remain stagnant in your comfort zone. It doesn’t have a beginning or an end, it just has a road to travel down. Some days you are further along than others, and that is ok because that is real.
Someone once told me I was resilient and I said “I have to be, what choice do I have” and they said “some people go through stuff and just fall apart”. I did fall apart! F*ck, I fell apart in a spectacular way! But without falling face down when faced with such pain, you cannot begin to heal. Resilience isn’t about not falling apart, it’s about what you do, when you do fall apart. It’s about being honest with yourself. It’s NOT about “getting on with it”, avoiding the pain or burying shit. It’s about facing every f*cking thing until you peel it back layer, by layer. And like an onion it will cause you tears, burning, unrelenting tears.
Coming home to myself has been one hell of a ride. It has been a burning fire of raging emotions, and the crushing waves of feelings. I’m very attuned with how I feel and what my triggers are, and I’m sensitive to others energy. I know I am the only one who can make myself truly happy.
I’ve been walking myself home for a while now, discovering who I am at the core and understanding the essence of me. Finding my wholeness took a while because there was a time I felt a little broken, a little cracked and discarded. I had to lick my own wounds clean and mend my own broken bits. There’s so much beauty and courage in that.
Knowing who I am at the deepest and most profound levels of my being and building on that foundation, only came when the battered and bruised me, was able to show my true self. There was no room for bullshit or toxic positivity. There was no room for masks or hidden parts. It was just me in my messy rawness, ready to face it all. Ready to grow into a better me.
The journey of healing, truth and growth should always continue as we all just walk each other home. Because coming home to yourself is realising all that you search for is within you the whole time.