2020 will be a year that will go down in history. In generations to come they will learn about the Pandemic of 2020. In schools all around the globe they will talk of COVID in ways, we learnt about the Spanish Flu and the Black Plague. They will learn that a virus can cause the death of people, the death of jobs, the death of industries, the death of travel and the death of a world as we know it.
Hopefully they will also discuss the paradox of this Pandemic and maybe that is, that people from across the world, needed a wake up call. That we as human beings, in many ways, have forgotten that there are far bigger and greater things than ourselves. That greed and capitalism has led us down a very dangerous path. That in the scheme of things we are no more important than other living things.
Sadly lives have been lost directly and indirectly from this virus. Yet over a year into this, we still see the greed, the ego, the selfishness and the ridiculous uncaring attitudes, that landed us here in the first place. Maybe this is a lesson and maybe we all need to sit our ass down and reflect upon what the universe is trying to tell us?! Instead some bury their righteous, egotistical, judgemental and closed minded heads in the sand- rather than perhaps reflect, learn, appreciate and respect others and the world around us.
2020 kicked me well and truly up the ass a few times but it also awakened me. Lessons and blessings from a year that saw so much darkness, but also turned the brightest of lights on and lit up things I had long since forgotten or was previously unaware of. 2020 was my year of healing, growth and reflection and here is what I learnt:
- If you still yourself and go within, you will begin to learn who you truly are and start a process of healing & growth. Everyone needs to heal from something but they need to choose to acknowledge their darkness and accept the process. You need to realise that there is no magic, quick fix to inner healing, despite what you may think or some would have you believe. But there’s definitely healing and growth on the other side of bloody hard work.
- We live in a masquerade ball. We live in a society where so many people wear a mask and hide who they truly are. Pretending to be someone they are not. Secrets buried that eat away at their soul. Too scared to do what truly makes them happy, instead doing what societal and/or family pressure dictates. Equating validation for happiness will forever leave them searching externally for that which comes from within. Ignoring who you truly are and what your heart and soul desires, will leave a gaping hole in your life. Stand up and be the amazing INDIVIDUAL that you are. Release yourself from the box and from judgement because seriously it’s YOUR LIFE!
- Judging another is a reflection of your own insecurities, your own lack of happiness. Happy, secure people do not worry about what others are doing- they have no need to gossip or talk negatively of another as they have their own life and they understand that everyone is on their own journey, their own path and it’s nobody else’s business how another chooses to live their life. Judgemental people need to look within and discover their own path of healing and why they feel the need to judge others.
- Strength and courage are two very different things. Strength is picking yourself up off the shower floor, busying yourself and getting on with it. Courage is sitting and learning from the pain, feeling what needs to be felt and starting the process of healing. Strength is “getting back on the horse”, moving forward and starting to date. Courage is learning to be alone, fulfilling yourself and finding your happiness from within, before bringing another person into your life. Strength is getting up each day and doing life, knowing you should be somewhere else. Courage is making the f*cking hard decisions, even when painful so you can follow your heart and soul. Strength is carrying on even though internally you maybe breaking. Courage is being vulnerable and acknowledging your pain, feelings and emotions and then working on the healing.
- A moment is simply that a moment. Beautiful things are said, promises are made and love is expressed in a moment. Painful things are said, promises are broken and endings happen in a moment. Enjoy the moments but always understand people change, things change and we grow. Every moment gives us a lesson or a blessing or perhaps both. The moments of life shape who we become so don’t regret the moments.
- Love is not enough. You can love someone with your whole heart and soul and you can generously give, care and prioritise another and it is sometimes not enough. There needs to be love, energy, chemistry, attraction, passion, loyalty, respect, honesty and a mutual desire to make things work. Too many people settle and again bow to societal and family pressures.
- I am a strong believer of following your soul and staying places for any other reason, ultimately chips away at your heart and soul and sadly in today’s society we are still living to suit other people’s expectations and avoid judgement. Here’s the thing- the heart and soul do not always know what the “right” thing is, they just know what they want. I think some of us have more than one soulmate and the one we end up with depends on the work we’ve done to evolve our own soul. I think there’s a soulmate for every level of our journey. We are meant to evolve and outgrowing people happens. I believe we all end up where and who we should be with.
- The world, countries, big business are led by ego rather than spirit. We have people in power that in many cases cannot see past their own self righteousness. They destroy the very people and the fabric of foundations that they are sworn in to serve. It’s human to make mistakes it’s egotistical narcissism to not own those mistakes. To not accept a mistake has been made, acknowledge it, apologise for it and do better moving forward. Projection of negative traits is done by insecure people who have neither the strength of character or self awareness to take responsibility for their own actions.
- Happiness is an inside job. Chasing bigger homes, more money, more material items, better relationships and comparing to others to validate themselves and feel happiness, will never lead to real long-lasting happiness. Comparison is the thief of joy and nobody will acquire happiness from other people or things. Happiness must come from within, however, YOU must be in an environment to grow and fill your happiness cup. So sometimes that means leaving relationships, leaving jobs or simply distancing yourself from toxicity.
- We as the human race have forgotten so often, how to be grateful. Forever wanting, wanting and wanting, instead of taking stock of all the wonderful things we already have. Appreciating the little things in life- a beautiful sunrise, a walk on the beach or simply hearing the voice of someone you love. Gratitude can change our whole perspective on life.
- Once you have truly and deeply loved another a part of you will always love them– no matter how far apart you are. You will heal, move on and let go but I have learnt that letting go of the energetic connection is something altogether different. You will grieve, you will get angry, you will cry, burn stuff, sage everything, hate them, hate yourself, blame them, blame yourself. You will forget the promises they made and didn’t keep, you will know they hurt you so painfully it almost destroyed you, but you will understand that those who cause pain in another do so because they are in pain-they have unhealed wounds. You will understand it’s a process and you must go THROUGH it to heal, not around it. When you realise a part of your soul will always hold love for another, whether you are with them or not, you understand unconditional love.
- That world changing events like a Pandemic bring out the best and worst in people. Selfishness has been highlighted but so has selflessness. We can choose how we react to things and it’s been frustrating, disappointing and refreshing watching how some have chosen to behave. A quick look at social media will show you in most instances the worst in people-with their bullying, anger and nasty comments, which just depicts the inner misery of these people.
- On the flip side we have seen the emergence of what I like to refer to as the “self-help” brigade and there is both positive and negative aspects to those suggesting how one should live. We are all different, we all have different healing needs and coping mechanisms-so there will never be a one shoe fits all process. My suggestion here is to be mindful and take what resonates for you, rather than a blind faith that what they are saying is gospel. However, one must absolutely step out of their comfort zone and be proactive in learning and trying different modalities. We are the ONLY ones who can change our lives. Always remember toxic positivity is just another form of by-passing the real healing that may need to be done. However, there are some great ideas and and tools out there, so find things that work for you-just be sure you are not burying or distracting from any real inner work that needs to be done.
- Spending more time alone can actually be a healthy thing. I appreciate for those suffering mental health issues, more solitude can be incredibly difficult. For me, it really allowed me to challenge myself. I had to face my struggles and my darkness mostly alone and that has proven to be such a gift. I have been able to really start healing and loving who I am-what I have to offer the world. I have made big decisions independently- trusting my intuition and using my own self belief.
- Doing these things alone has removed the need I once had for validation and that is so freeing. I believe everyone should spend a period of time alone to discover who they really are as an individual and what they really want out of life. When you take the noise away from everything and everyone-it’s quite amazing what you actually learn.
- Forgiving others that have done you wrong, releases you from the attachment, the pain and allows you to set yourself free. Often difficult but necessary to heal your heart. Understandably some have suffered atrocities at the hands of others and therefore forgiveness is a near impossible task, however, forgiving is solely for YOU not to release the perpetrator from any wrong doing. Resentment, bitterness, fear and hate are emotions that will only hurt you, so working on forgiveness or some sort of release will help you heal.
- That age should never be something to hold you back. People who say “this is who I am” or “I cannot change” have convinced themselves due to their limiting beliefs and thinking, that they cannot change themselves or a situation and quite frankly that is rubbish. We are all capable of change and growth. We are all capable of learning and deciding to pursue our passions and purpose regardless of age or even circumstance. We are all capable of stepping up, finding our courage and digging deep within ourselves to discover who we really are and what we really want.
- We are also very capable of making excuses as to why we think we can’t change our life and situation and ultimately that’s our individual choice. For me I say f*ck it be unapologetically yourself and follow your bloody dreams. Live a life that makes you happy. Work in a job that makes you feel accomplished. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and tell it to you straight- not stroke your ego or validate you but who are actually raw and honest with you. And love and be with who and where you want to be not who and where you SHOULD be. Life is short so live it well.
- That if you put your happiness in another’s hands you will always be disappointed because it is not their job to make you happy. Relationships are about two independent, interesting, fulfilled and happy INDIVIDUALS with their own lives, coming together to compliment the other. Where we go so wrong much of the time is two people coming together to fill each other’s voids. A need for the other and a responsibility placed on the other to bring happiness. A meshing of two lives into one where individuality and independence is lost. You need to be your own person. You need to be fulfilled and happy on your own. Don’t measure your success, happiness, love and whatever else by another- these things are up to YOU. And when you get to that place you will have your wings and the world is yours.
So 2020, what a f*cking year. I choose to acknowledge the good and the bad and continue on my journey. I choose to live a life I am proud of- knowing that the choices I have made have come from my heart and soul. I choose to ignore the judgement of others and understand that their perception of me has nothing to do with who I truly am. I choose to continue doing the inner work and growing. I choose to stand in my power. I choose to be the beautiful, kind, raw, messy, at times weird & crazy individual that I am-always following my soul. Why would we ever want to be the same as anyone else or fit into some mould? Break the f*cking mould!
In 2021, I hope you can follow your heart and soul despite what others may think of that. I hope you pursue your passions with purpose. I hope you wake each day to live with intent, love, forgiveness, passion, energy, kindness, spirit and gratitude. I hope you choose to do the hard work of healing when it’s required. I hope you choose to be honest with those in your life and brutally honest with yourself. I hope you deeply love who you are with and your life and if not you find that person you will deeply love/change your life. Stop staying places you should no longer be. Stop settling. I hope you are doing life and living in a way that brings you joy and happiness rather than living to someone else’s standards and relying on validation as happiness. Be yourself, speak your truth and love yourself and watch your world change.
” Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point, that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to truly love”- Fyodor Dostoyevsky.