“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace”.
I watched an interview many years ago with the parents of Anita Cobby (Anita was the victim of one of the most brutal rapes and murders in Australian history). I watched intently as these beautiful souls expressed forgiveness at what these animals had done to their daughter. At the time I could not understand how they could ever forgive, it didn’t make sense to me. I imagined most people would be filled with such hate and want revenge.
As the years have gone by and we learn and grow, I have started to understand why they chose forgiveness. It was never for those animals but for themselves because they realised that by filling themselves with hatred, it would only lead to pain for themselves. They were not giving those monsters anything, they were setting themselves free from living the rest of their lives filled with negative emotions. I think the thing to understand is forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator! Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give to yourself.
As a mum I have always said if anyone hurt my kids I would want to inflict pain back. We all want to protect those we love but I think there comes a point where we need to understand that filling ourselves with hate and everything that spirals from that, is ultimately only going to hurt us and those around us.
Relationship endings are a perfect example where if we let ourselves we can become bitter and resentful. We can hold negative emotion about another person because they have perhaps hurt us, done wrong by us or whatever the case maybe. People who cause you pain need to reconcile that with themselves because their behaviour is on them not you. And you can hold all the anger, bitterness and resentment you like but it won’t change the outcome, or even affect them! All it will do is make you miserable and stop you from growing, raising your vibration and moving forward.
I am not suggesting it’s easy to forgive but it is necessary. It’s necessary to forgive, so you can accept, let go and start moving on from whatever is causing your pain. It’s understanding that other people’s actions stem from their own trauma and wounds and that we are all on different parts of our journey. When you are badly hurt you of course need to go through the process of grieving and move through the necessary emotions and feelings but we then have a choice of a) forgive the situation or b) become bitter and maybe even vengeful.
I have personally found it easier to forgive because I just never want to be an angry, negative person, omitting that low vibe energy out and attracting more negativity. It doesn’t mean you accept another’s bad behaviour, you simply realise that you cannot change someone, they need to want to do the inner work and change themselves and staying in the pain will only hurt you. Sometimes there’s no closure or apology but we get to decide how we react to that.
I know some people may never be able to forgive some things that have been done to them and I think sadly this stops them finding peace in their life. People hurt each other, it happens to everyone. Intentionally, unintentionally, regretfully or not. It’s a part of what we do as people. The beauty is that we have the ability to forgive which enables us to heal and find peace.
“When you can forgive someone without ever receiving a real apology, you learn grace”.