My first article of 2022 was titled “Walking into 2022 with Guts, Grace and Gratitude“.
It was an article of empowerment and hope for the New Year. I had gone through so much pain, change, big emotions and growth in the preceding few years, I had developed a courage and resilience, that had me ready to kick down doors.
And lucky I was in this space of courage, given the turbulent year that was 2022.
The year started out in a flurry of excitement and nerves upon learning my daughter was pregnant with her first child. Nerves as it was a high risk pregnancy given her health, but excitement because we didn’t think she’d be able to have kids. I was heading to Europe mid year for an incredible trip and having never been before I was super excited.
In March I accepted a retrenchment from a 35yr career which was perfect timing given I’d just completed my Masters in Holistic Counselling and Coaching plus I was writing my books. Leaving a place I had worked since I was 18 was a little scary, as it’s all I knew. I had made so many amazing friends over the years and it really was my final comfort zone, so stepping off that ledge as happy as I was to leave, was also daunting. No longer would I have that fortnightly pay hitting my account. No longer would I have that daily routine, I was so used to. No longer would I have that job security, as I was starting my own business. It was a big deal to leave and there was still a grieving process to go through for such a big change in my life. But the decision to leave was the right one, and I’m so glad I stepped into my courage and jumped.
My daughters pregnancy was challenging but going well. I took my overseas trip, which is something I will hold close to my heart forever. Then 2022 took a really painfully sharp turn. It took the wind right out of my sales and left me floundering in grief. 2022 took my mum and that’s been such a profound loss. It’s put an official launch of my business on hold and the publishing of my first book a little behind. Struggling with my own grief and supporting my family has taken every ounce of energy I have.
The arrival of my beautiful granddaughter brought joy back, but to feel two such polar opposite emotions being grief and joy, is something unexplainable. There’s an element of guilt because you feel joy even though you’ve lost someone important and you feel grief, even though you have this beautiful baby. It’s challenging. It’s emotionally draining. Some days it’s overwhelming, but everyday it’s life. The pain and beauty of life.
So what’s for 2023? Well I’ll be entering it the same way I did for 2022, with Guts, Grace and Gratitude.
Guts for everything I’m about to do with my business launch and my books. I know there’s a few people who never thought I’d take that leap, but I spent far too many years in comfort zones and I’ve learnt they are not a healthy place to be. Grace because I’m not the only person to have faced struggles and it’s important to always show compassion and genuine care. It’s forgiving myself and those who have hurt me with love and kindness. It’s why I volunteer for a crisis line, so I can give back because not everyone is as fortunate as me. And gratitude because I’m always grateful, no matter the struggles, I am blessed. I have a beautiful family and incredible friends. I have the gifts of my business and books. And importantly I’m in a space where I feel safe to be my authentically raw self and I know that’s a rarity.
So 2023 I’m ready for you. I’m growing through this freshest grief. I’m learning that as devastating as loss can be- death, relationships- I have the vulnerability, courage and inner strength to get through it and even with all the despair and devastating pain, it has given me a depth of self awareness, self belief and confidence that I never knew I had. It has taught me that without self honesty and self trust, we will be forever lost. It has ignited a deeper compassion and put me in this energy of such gratitude and self love, that I want for nothing. I search for nothing because what is meant for me will come for me. Who I am and what I offer in life, is more than enough. Wisdom is such a gift.
2023 show me what you’ve got…
“My heart is at ease knowing that what is meant for me will never miss me, and what misses me was never meant for me”- Imam Shafi