2020- Pushed me off the cliff only to see me climb the mountain

It’s the last few months of the year and what a clusterf*ck it has been! I have collided magically into some great moments and I’ve collided head on into some pretty dark moments. Throw in a Pandemic and 2020 has served up some pure beauty, tossed in with a glorious shitshow!

I have spoken in previous blogs about my journey. The shadow work, the darkness and the light. Pain can leave you sitting in the broken shards of darkness or it can catapult you into growth and enlightenment. I’ve always been brutally honest about my transformation and how these things are messy and hard work. It requires a depth of courage I’ve come to realise, we as humans do not often want to face. But face it I did and learning there is a process and we actually have to go through that process to heal fully can be a little scary.

Think of it like a set of stairs. On the top is healing and enlightenment but to get to the top you have to wade through the pain. The grief. The shame. The guilt. The trauma. And whatever else we have managed to bury deep down. The mistake so many of us make is we touch on a few of these things but realistically we are by-passing the hard stuff and jumping straight to the top. We can do that for sure and we can feel empowered and happy as we believe we’ve had all this growth. If it was that simple we would not have all the pain in the world. If we don’t face ALL our darkness it will come back and bite us fair on the ass.

I continue my journey. Upon reflection I have come a bloody long way! Loving my family and friends but not needing anything external for my happiness is a huge step for me. Making some pretty big decisions about my goals and dreams has been so liberating. Not everyone may understand my journey or even some of my decisions and that’s ok. I still love, respect and hold space for them. Would be pretty boring if we were all the same! I expect honesty from my circle, welcome constructive criticism, appreciate difference of opinions and respect being told straight. Authenticity is so important to me.

So what have I done throughout the year of 2020, which we shall now refer to as the f*ckening? Well besides my daily meditation and yoga practise, I’m walking between 6km-10km per day which I do like to also incorporate a little sand running and I’m back to the gym. So yes fitness has been a biggie for me. I stick to the 80/20 rule when it comes to eating because we all deserve our treats! And I have quite the weakness for chocolate.

An amusing side-note, several years ago I did a couple of terms of belly dancing and I still have my “dingle dangle” skirt. Well, dance movement is great for the body, mind and soul and especially good for our energy so whilst I’m cleaning, saging or whatever, I’ll have the music blaring and I’ll dance, incorporating some of the old belly dancing moves. If you haven’t tried this please do- it’s simply a lot of fun.

Writing….what can I say, I absolutely love it! My blog is just a bit of a personal way to express myself, my thoughts and my journey. Writing for the Elephant Journal has been incredibly rewarding and satisfying, I get so much out of it. Then there’s the book! Oh yes, the book is still coming, took a bit of a backseat when my mum was sick but it’s burningly back on the agenda. It’s more a work of fiction so writing it is so much bloody fun. Writing is such a passion and a gift.

Busy, busy, busy I have been! I’m now well into my course which is very exciting. I’m doing a masters in meditation teaching, holistic counselling, empowerment coaching and hypnotherapy! I’m loving it with the additional energy and spiritual healing added in. Helping people is my purpose, so I can’t wait to officially start!

I have always been an avid reader but sort of got out of the habit for a few years but that habit is well and truly back. Currently reading Think Like a Monk and I’m super impressed with this book as well as Jay Shetty, he’s incredibly inspirational. I read a bit of his journey earlier in the year and was eagerly awaiting his book and I’m not disappointed. If you like to read add this to your list along with The Fifth Agreement.

I have in my wisdom decided to learn another language! I know a few words and phrases in several different languages but I really want to be fluent in a 2nd language so that starts soon! It was either a language or a musical instrument and those of you who have been fortunate enough to listen to me a) sing or b) bang on my tambourine would gladly encourage me to learn a language! Although few people know I actually can play a few keys on the piano and by a few I mean like 3!

Lastly, I have started this little daily challenge and asked a few others to try it. I recently wrote a blog about kindness and how this simple act can make such a difference. So I decided to do a minimum of 3 acts of kindness daily to total strangers. It’s been really enjoyable and the positive energy you give out, you get back tenfold. I do these when I’m out walking and down the beach and when you genuinely show kindness to another they mirror you, it’s truly beautiful. I challenge you all to try it!

So 2020 showed me some of the worst moments and some of the best. It showed me how bloody resilient I actually am and how much I have to offer the world. As humans we need to understand the journey will never end. We’ll win some and lose some. We’ll succeed and we’ll fail. We’ll choose right and we’ll choose wrong. We’ll climb the mountain and fall off the cliff. What we should never do is regret, from every encounter, mistake, situation we receive lessons and blessings. All divinely delivered to us by the universe! Always be unapologetically ourselves, remain humble, raw and real, act with care, kindness, authenticity and integrity. There’s enough bullshit in the world, so let’s do our bit to make the world a better place!

Finding my inner Goddess has been an experience. It’s been ugly and it’s been beautiful. The best is yet to come!

Published by Michelle

After a long marriage, 2 children (now grown), a separation and embarking on a brand new life, I have realised life is always a journey. I have made mistakes, I have hurt and been hurt, I have loved and I have lost and at times I completely lost myself and forgot the Queen that I am. As women we are the nurturer, the caregiver but sometimes we underestimate the Goddess within us and my journey has made me realise that when our crown is crooked, we need to adjust it ourselves and remember the Queens that we are! This will be a blog about what I have learnt, what I am continuing to learn and how we can help each other. I will talk about all things love and life and at times this will be controversial but life and love is never black and white but varying shades of grey. We live in a judgemental society and so many of us live our lives according to the expectations of others, rather than doing or being what truly makes us happy. I hope you join me on my journey and on my quest to find that Inner Goddess and we can learn from each other and we can discuss the judgements and societal expectations that hold so many of us back. It's time to seek our inner happiness!!

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