A Letter to Childhood Me

To the dreamy little girl, who aspires to be an air-hostess so she can see the world and have really pretty hair and fancy grown up nails. To that little girl who used her hairbrush for a microphone whilst singing every song on that ABBA Arrival album. The world awaits you in all its magic and beauty but strap yourself in my darling for you are in for a bit of a wild ride.

Dear Little Me,

A letter of love and guidance to the little girl I was from the woman I am now.

You will do quite well in school, despite spending your senior school years writing poetry in maths and enjoying the occasional chat during biology. To be honest maths and science will not be your speciality but you do alright and given you end up working in a Bank your math improves over the years. You will excel in sport and become part of the PE faculty. Athletics, softball and netball being your favourites, even though all you wanted to play was soccer but dad said “it was a boys sport”. Instead you will attend all your brothers soccer training sessions and all his games weekly, trying to convince dad that you should be able to play. You will also do ok at swimming but won’t have the love of it like athletics. You will give up your pursuit of soccer and continue with your netball and softball.

You will realise in your teenage years that some people will judge you by your looks and teenage girls can be cruel. You will still be fairly shy, so the comments about your looks make you uncomfortable. Your year 11 biology teacher will say “pretty girls don’t need to finish school as they marry young and have kids”, you don’t listen to that rubbish, this makes you all the more determined to succeed. You come to despise some people’s limited understanding that physical appearance is more important than intelligence, kindness and a good heart. This will create some insecurity in you but it will be just one of the things in life that gives you strength and teaches you to not judge others.

You will continue to have close relationships with your grandparents and you will face dealing with death for the first time at 16. Pop will be sick for some time and as he nears the end all the family will be called to say goodbye. You will be the last one to see him and he waits for you. You sit with him and hold his hand, tell him you love him as he slips away. You will take this hard but you will be ok. At 21 you will be devastated when Pa passes away suddenly and this will take you quite some time to get over. Nana and Ma will be around for many years and you will be 39 and 49 respectively when they go. You will have an especially close bond with Ma and you will feel her loss immensely. You will write a poem for each of them and speak at their funerals, which will be hard for you but you do it and are proud of yourself for doing so. You will know how fortunate you were to share such special years with your grandparents and even more fortunate that you still have your parents and brother and his family in your life.

You will marry at 23 and build your first home and it’s a very exciting time. You will be blessed with the two most amazing kids and for many years you will be busy raising the kids, working and building a life. You build your second home where you will live for 20 years. You will buy a shack up the river where most weekends in summer you will go and waterski. Your kids will love these weekends which include fires by the river and an excellent 80’s playlist, so they will develop a versatile love of music. You will take your kids to Fiji, road tripping the East coast of the USA to Canada, Hawaii, Singapore, Vietnam and Bali. You will love being a mum and you will be happy and fulfilled for a good many years but just before your 50th birthday you will end your marriage and begin a new life. One of the toughest battles you will fight is between what you know and what you feel, where you think you should be and where you really want to be.

Up until the writing of this letter, you will love 3 times and each love will be different. The young teenage love and the 2 grown up loves. They will each be a blessing and teach you different things. They will be exactly what you wanted at that time in your life and whilst there will be sadness, pain and broken hearts you will be grateful and thankful for each. You will love them each in their own distinct way but never the same love twice. There are so many varying types of love and intensities and you learn through these experiences the type of love you want. You share magic, laughter, tears, lessons and some of the most incredible moments that will forever remain in your heart and that will be your gift to take with you forever.

Your friends and family will always be there for you no matter what. They are a diverse bunch but the most caring and amazing group of people. You are so lucky to be able to have such open and honest relationships that bring you much joy. From simple chats over tea, to dinners and dancing, laughter and fun, bushwalks, holidays and just enjoying each others company- you will appreciate these beautiful souls each and every day. You will learn anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you!

So to the little girl with all her dreams, you will have so much joy, love and excitement and you will have so much love to share. You will learn throughout your journey and you will continue to dream big. Know you will make mistakes and there will be times where you are not proud of yourself but that’s all part of life. You will look in the mirror and be completely honest with yourself and others. You will forgive yourself and others and heal. You will come out the other side of some heartache and pain a strong, independent, determined, patient, compassionate, authentic woman that has the world in front of her.

You will know your worth and your beauty and happiness will radiate from within. You will have discovered throughout your life that some people are judgemental and are limited in their thinking and beliefs. You will become so comfortable in your own skin that it will no longer bother you what others think and that will be a liberating feeling. You will not compete with anyone and if people choose to not be in your life you will let go with grace and wish them well because if they can’t see your value that’s their loss. Calm seas are where you will find peace but the storms are where you will find your power.

Walk into the future my love, with your head held high. Be proud of who you are and who you will become. Know that the sometimes bumpy roads, hurdles, scraped knees, broken bones and broken hearts are all meant to be part of your voyage because without those difficult times you would not become the rare diamond that you are. There will come a point where you realise you are different and whilst some will not like your individuality, some will think it’s ok but others will think it’s f*cking beautiful, wait for those one’s sweet girl because they are the one’s that will compliment the woman that you are and are worth the wait.

Much Love Grown Up Me x

Published by Michelle

After a long marriage, 2 children (now grown), a separation and embarking on a brand new life, I have realised life is always a journey. I have made mistakes, I have hurt and been hurt, I have loved and I have lost and at times I completely lost myself and forgot the Queen that I am. As women we are the nurturer, the caregiver but sometimes we underestimate the Goddess within us and my journey has made me realise that when our crown is crooked, we need to adjust it ourselves and remember the Queens that we are! This will be a blog about what I have learnt, what I am continuing to learn and how we can help each other. I will talk about all things love and life and at times this will be controversial but life and love is never black and white but varying shades of grey. We live in a judgemental society and so many of us live our lives according to the expectations of others, rather than doing or being what truly makes us happy. I hope you join me on my journey and on my quest to find that Inner Goddess and we can learn from each other and we can discuss the judgements and societal expectations that hold so many of us back. It's time to seek our inner happiness!!

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