“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future”- Daphne Rose King
A few years back I wrote an article titled “A Graceful Goodbye- It’s Time to Let Go”. It was indeed a graceful goodbye to a past love, as I moved through the process of letting go and moving on but my intention at the time was clear, I was moving on to spend time with myself. Embrace who I was becoming. Really learn what I wanted. Fill my own cup and transform my life into the life I envisioned. I was going to learn to love every inch of myself and work on establishing nice strong boundaries. I was going to really discover the woman I was meant to be, with all her perfect imperfections.
What a remarkable few years it has been. Packed with so many learnings and life experiences. Some incredible and others heartbreaking and painful but through it all, I trusted me. I believed in me. I allowed myself time, space, solitude, grace and I never imagined it would bring me this.
This, being a heartfelt hello. A welcoming of a pure gift. The gift of him.
He walked into my life in an unassuming way. No ego. No seeking of attention. There was no love bombing. No chaos. No confusion. No disruption. No need for validation.There was no searching, it just appeared. He just appeared. It was gentle. Soft. With flickering embers that smouldered. Slowly heating up, bit by bit, until there was a burning undercurrent. A mutual attraction, that wasn’t glaringly obvious but nevertheless it was there. It was always there. Not based solely on physical appearances but rather fascinating conversation. The discovery of shared values. A love of the creative mind, inspiring each other in our individual creative pursuits. A caressing of the outline of our humanness, with kindness and consideration.
Instead of those butterflies we so often equate with the starting of something new, with all it’s pent up anticipation and building anxiety, he instead calmed my nervous system. Grounding me. Like being wrapped in a weighted blanket and served my favourite tea, he heightens the peace within me.
But that calm and peace is not without red hot heat. A mind stimulated by intelligent exchanges, cheeky banter and a wit that matches my own. The ability to challenge each others thoughts and beliefs in a nurturing way, teaching different perspectives. A sharing of compassion and empathy for the human condition. An emotional availability I’ve not experienced. An evolved awareness that’s really quite captivating. Creative ideas that bounce off each other, awakening the inspiration within. A heart that is held, in such a way, it feels like a precious sentimental gem that only those in the know, understand the true value and how cherished it really is. His soul meets my soul in a place of knowing. A place of courage, silently asking to take this walk together. A walk where there’s a vague sense of direction but a willingness to redirect in need. No pressure. No expectations. And it feels like home. He feels like home.
It’s the build up of these things. The dance of our minds, hearts and souls, that lead to the burning red hot heat. Two energies entwined in such a way it sparks an electric pulse that beats in both of us. A touch that incorporates all parts of us, not just our skin. A touch that travels to every one of our cells and to the core of our being. A touch that transcends even the most vivid imagination.
But it’s subtle. There’s a beautiful stillness that stifles the maddening world. We’re not in a race to get somewhere or be something, except what and who we are and the magic is, we both know who we are and what we want. There’s no urgency. No pretence. No drama. No need to prove anything. There’s no riding high one day and picking yourself off the floor the next. No swings between joy and heartache. No second guessing or wondering. No co-dependency. No desperate attachment. There’s no wondering what mood I’ll have to deal with today. No need for masks. There’s a unique trust and the rare honesty that comes when two people collide who have done the hard yards of inner work, and are prepared to continue that journey ensuring they always grow. Naturally. Organically. Individually and together. They collide because they have something meaningful, raw, special to offer each other and the world.
There’s a delicate excitement and energy. Not the excitement that our childhood wounds draw us to, which is so often laced with anxiety and disarray because that’s what is familiar to us. People drawn to turmoil and a tumultuous energy because anything else seems boring, a remnant of their unhealthy belief system and when they meet someone who radiates a calming, more soothing energy, they run because their nervous system is unfamiliar with this and it frightens them. It’s sad when a healthy connection is unfamiliar and they thrive on chaos because that’s what their nervous system knows. Or numb themselves to the uncomfortable feelings.
No, our excitement and energy is different. It’s emotionally safe. It’s reassuring. It’s like floating in the ocean with the warmth of the sun enveloping you. But knowing there’s someone floating beside you, no matter how far apart you are.
My body is his canvas and he uses his tools in so many artistic ways and he uses them exceptionally well. He colours every inch of me, creating his masterpiece. He traces every curve of my body bringing my inner muse to life. He explores me like I am a wonderland and he doesn’t want to miss any of the attractions. He looks at me like I’m an exotic island he’s seeing for the first time and he needs to experience every square kilometre. Slowly. With focus, unadulterated bliss and dedicated attention. He reads me like I’m his favourite book and he cannot put me down, no matter how tired he is. He saviours every part of me. It’s sensual. Passionate. Magnetic. Invigorating. Restorative. And damn it’s hot.
He has created a safe and trusting space for me to surrender my body, mind, heart, soul and with that surrender comes something so bewitching, so exquisite, it eclipses anything and everything. It cultivates the most amazing space for a depth of love that will not easily be surpassed.
This heartfelt hello, his heartfelt hello has been the sprinkles on the icing, of the scrumptiously delicious cake I baked myself. He brings offerings to my table that add value to the beautiful life I have created for myself. He is confident in who he is and is never threatened by my achievements, instead he celebrates me, for all that I am and all that I do. His masculinity is not bruised when my light shines brighter. He sees my beauty even in the dark. He is the glitter sprinkled amongst the trash. He nourishes me, the whole of me. A rarity. A man who is strong and unafraid to be completely vulnerable. A man who shares all that he has and all that he is. Open minded, open hearted and open armed. He is a diamond amongst the rubble. He is my person.
He is my heartfelt hello.
“When your love is pure or spiritual, there is no demand, no expectation. There is only the sweetest feeling of spontaneous oneness with the human being or beings concerned”.– Sri Chinmoy
Find Your Inner Goddess 