Know that if I love you- My definition of unconditional love

This is one of my pieces published by the Elephant Journal (a global blog) a few weeks ago. It’s been incredibly popular, read by over 6,500 people and had over 1,000 shares so far, which is such an honour. But it’s the beautiful heartfelt comments that truly humble me. I feel privileged that my words can help or touch someone so deeply.I write because my words, my story, may today, tomorrow or one day become someone else’s survival guide. I write because I can. I write because I should. And I write because I was brave enough to start.

Know that if I love you:

I’m not going to try and change you. I love you for who you are.

Know that if I love you:

I accept your flaws, your imperfections. Loving only the good in someone is not love.

Know that if I love you:

You can tell me anything. No judgement. No secrets. If you can’t feel comfortable sharing your darkness and your mistakes, then you are with the wrong person.

Know that if I love you:

Your dark is as important as your light. Soul love cannot love the light without the dark. I want the whole you.

Know that if I love you:

You never need to pretend to be someone else. I want the real you—the raw, messy you. Take your mask off.

Know that if I love you:

I do not own you. You are not my property to possess. You are still an individual and I will encourage you to have your own interests.

Know that if I love you:

I will not constantly call or message you. I will not assume you should spend every spare moment with me. I want you to have your time. I am independent with my own interests, as you should be.

Know that if I love you:

I will trust you. If insecurity breeds distrust, that requires inner work. If you break trust, we will communicate openly and honestly. Nothing can be fixed if we can’t speak our truth.

Know that if I love you:

We will always work together to solve problems, regardless of how large or small.

Know that if I love you:

I love without conditions. Placing conditions on your love is not true love.

Know that if I love you:

I will also love myself without condition. For if I don’t love myself, how can I love another.

Know that if I love you:

I will respect you and your choices—even if I may not always agree with them.

Know that if I love you:

I will always be open about my feelings. You will never be left wondering.

Know that if I love you:

I will always have your back. Whether you are there or not. Loyalty is the key.

Know that if I love you:

You can be completely vulnerable. I want to see your strengths and your weaknesses, your happiness and your sorrow.

Know that if I love you:

You will always know how important you are to me.

Know that if I love you:

I may be a little jealous from time to time, but I will never encroach on your privacy. Everyone is entitled to privacy; it’s called boundaries.

Know that if I love you:

We will have an amazing energy and chemistry. Emotional and physical intimacy is important to any relationship.

Know that if I love you:

We will laugh, a lot. Humour is such a gift.

Know that if I love you:

I will want you. I will not need you. Neediness is insecurity.

Know that if I love you:

I will be passionate. I will want to touch you. Hold you. Be near you.

Know that if I love you:

I see your inner ugliness as much as I see your inner beauty, and I accept you. All of you. Just as you are.

Know that if I love you:

I love you without restriction. I trust you without fear. I want you without demands.

Know that if I love you:

I understand there will be hurt and pain at times. I want reality, not a fairy-tale.

Know that if I love you:

I will make tough decisions, if required. I will not sweep difficulties under the carpet or avoid hard truths. Good relationships will never survive when there are secrets or avoidance. Lay them bare and deal with them.

Know that if I love you:

I will let you go with peace and grace if the relationship is no longer working. I will fight for you and what’s important, but I will never beg. If one or both hearts have left, it’s time to let go, respectfully and with dignity.

Know that if I love you:

There will always be forgiveness. The relationship may end and irrevocable mistakes may be made, but there will always be forgiveness. Because without forgiveness, there is negative attachment and resentment.

Know that if I love you:

It will be the sweetest of gifts. My love will always be my version—this version—of unconditional.

Know that if I love you:

A part of me will always hold love for you, even if from afar.

“We should write because writing brings clarity and passion to the act of living. Writing is sensual, experiential and grounding. We should write because writing is so very good for the soul. We should write because writing yields a body of work, a felt path through the world we live in. We should write, above all, because we are writers, whether we call ourselves that or not”.

Published by Michelle

After a long marriage, 2 children (now grown), a separation and embarking on a brand new life, I have realised life is always a journey. I have made mistakes, I have hurt and been hurt, I have loved and I have lost and at times I completely lost myself and forgot the Queen that I am. As women we are the nurturer, the caregiver but sometimes we underestimate the Goddess within us and my journey has made me realise that when our crown is crooked, we need to adjust it ourselves and remember the Queens that we are! This will be a blog about what I have learnt, what I am continuing to learn and how we can help each other. I will talk about all things love and life and at times this will be controversial but life and love is never black and white but varying shades of grey. We live in a judgemental society and so many of us live our lives according to the expectations of others, rather than doing or being what truly makes us happy. I hope you join me on my journey and on my quest to find that Inner Goddess and we can learn from each other and we can discuss the judgements and societal expectations that hold so many of us back. It's time to seek our inner happiness!!

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