“The day you realise you are good enough for you, is the day you set yourself free”.
Today I had to write a guided meditation for one of my assessments and initially found it quite challenging. I usually don’t have a problem with putting words together so was confused as to why I was a little stumped. Upon thinking about this, I realised it was because not everyone learns the same, interprets things the same, has the same belief system and what I may consider to be a relaxing meditation, may not induce relaxation in another.
This got me to reflecting, going inside myself, challenging my thoughts to ultimately understand how others may perceive things. This is something I have been doing a lot of recently. It’s both cathartic and can be a little unsettling. To break down one’s belief system and our own conditioning for longterm growth and changes is not something that can happen overnight, in fact if we want to see real long lasting change, it’s quite a process. We have beliefs that have conditioned us from when we were a young child, so breaking those beliefs most of which are limited takes real work and such brutal f*cking honesty which often stops people from real permanent change and growth.
I have gone back into a self-imposed hermit mode which is where I go when I want or need more change and transformation. Standing in your solitude and going within is such an incredible and eye opening process. I have stayed off social media or really limited myself and I have been less social, communicating less than usual. Why? Because this is how we truly learn about ourselves which allows growth. We are not seeking opinion, reassurance, validation, attention or anything else from external sources. We are solely relying on ourselves. Standing in our own power. Challenging our own beliefs, thinking, emotions without any outside influences. We are connecting our mind, heart, soul and spirit to be in sync for if they aren’t in sync standing in our solitude , we will always rely on others to make us whole.
We become so conditioned through life that our thinking and beliefs are formed by external factors. We are sold a fairytale, a dream of how our life is supposed to turn out. We start chasing happiness- the “perfect” partner, the “perfect” relationship, more money, the “perfect” job, bigger houses, more material things. When these things don’t work out our happiness diminishes or disappears or we find that attaining these things never brought us the sustained happiness we were looking for. Why? Because happiness comes from within. We should not be attached to anything or anyone. We should not need any material things or anyone.
I’m reading this really interesting book at the moment called The Fifth Agreement. It’s simplistic yet complex all at once. The author states 5 agreements to live by being:
Be impeccable with your words– Speak with integrity and say only what you mean. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t take anything personally– Nothing others do is because of YOU. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality and behaviour.
Don’t make assumptions– Find the courage to ask questions and express what you truly want. Avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. Communicate clearly.
Always do your best– under any circumstance always do your best.
Be skeptical but learn to listen– Listen to the intent behind the words and you will understand the real message.
They are simple words, however, putting into practise is more challenging. When people treat us badly we tend to take it personally but the reality is their behaviour is always a reflection of themselves and what we accept we allow. Let’s talk projection! I’m sure many of us have had people project their sh*t onto us and maybe we have projected onto others. Projection is when someone pushes their insecurities or their behaviour onto you. They do this because it’s easier to blame someone else, accuse someone else of the negative emotions/behaviour within them rather than be honest with themselves and face up to their own demons. It’s both unpleasant and unfair, however, with our own growth and empowerment, we learn to set boundaries and we do not accept this behaviour. Projecting is on them but accepting is on us.
Another interesting viewpoint in this book is we are different in everyone’s story. Every single person has a different perception of us. He uses the analogy of movie theatres where the first movie is starring you as the lead and all the other characters are your friends and family. You enjoy the movie and see yourself as you view yourself. Next movie also has you in it and the same friends and family, however in this movie you are different because this is how your daughter for example sees you. Third movie same again but it’s your friends perception of you. So how you see yourself is different from how everyone else perceives you. Nobody sees you in the same way and nobody sees you how you see yourself. And this can be both good or concerning depending on how others perceive you. Then again what someone thinks of you is none of your business.
So spending life cultivating an image is useless. Doing things for validation is useless. Wearing masks and being too scared to be your authentic self is useless. Whilst you may fool others, they are all going to see you in a different way than you perceive yourself anyway. Therefore being completely true to yourself, completely honest with yourself is what will best serve you. Understanding that you can either accept poor behaviour from others or you can free yourself from that is incredibly liberating.
So as I continue through this journey I progressively learn to free myself by having boundaries and not accepting anything that crosses those boundaries. By understanding that I cannot control another’s behaviour but I have a choice to let things go that do not serve me. To realise everyone is only as enlightened as their limited beliefs allow them to be. That I choose to not need or seek validation but know that those that do have their own journey to travel, in their own time and in their own way. That whilst I say what I mean and mean what I say not everyone does but I won’t take that personally and I will always be impeccable with my word. I will learn to not make assumptions and always do my best.
I am growing into a woman standing tall in her power. I am embracing every bit of pain, hurt, loss, disappointment and fear and turning it into an unstoppable force of strength, confidence, happiness, purpose, forgiveness, gratitude and passion and I am able to do this alone. I have set myself some big ass goals that will challenge me and encourage more growth and I am both inspired and proud of myself. Still the caterpillar on the verge of becoming that beautiful butterfly and once she has her wings, she will be able to fly. And once she can fly she will set herself free. She will set herself free with love and grace and what an absolute gift that is.
“I sat down with the universe and told her I wanted to grow. I told her to use me as a vessel. So she made me uncomfortable. She stripped me of everything that I knew. Made me learn how to be silent. How to let go. How to move on. How to stand my ground. How to be more understanding. How to fight for what I believe in. How to survive on my own. How to be more assertive. How to love myself more. How to be less naive. She told me to take everything I have learned and share it with others”.