There’s a saying “I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved- Universe”. I had never really thought much about this before but upon reflection, it really is very true. Twice in the past few years I have been in this situation and both times I have stepped way out of my comfort zone, growing and evolving to the space I am in today. Suffering and pain are the biggest catalyst for change.
Being alone is a gift, one I know many would not relish but to truly understand yourself, you need space. Nobody else should make us whole, we need to be whole by ourselves. Anyone else in our lives should just compliment the person that we are. “Solitude is strength, to depend on the presence of a crowd is weakness. The person who needs a mob to nerve them is much more alone than they imagine”. In my solitude I have found my strength and resilience and it’s an incredible feeling. The only person I need to prove myself to is me!
A friend told me today that I am one of the kindest and most generous people they know and that being genuine and vulnerable is the reason people are drawn to me, not sure about that, but many people over the years have opened up to me. Another told me I am truly brave to give people access to my thoughts and feelings through my writing and that’s the whole point, to share some of my story. Exposing some parts of myself is a little difficult and daunting at times but this is who I am. Emotions don’t make you weak, they make you fearless, because those who feel more fear less. Vulnerability is strength.
My whole life I have been a selfless giver. It makes me happy to give to others, whether that be time, support, assistance or just an ear when they need it. Helping others is what I have come to realise is my purpose. I’m unafraid to tell my story, the good and the bad. For without being honest with ourselves and others we can never be fully authentic and it’s not always what people want to hear, but if we have to tell someone a difficult truth we do so with care and respect but we do it so we can start the healing process. I know when I have made mistakes and I know when I have inadvertently hurt someone, which always causes me pain and anxiety. I apologise and seek forgiveness and learn the lesson from the experience. It can be difficult owning your truth which sometimes is not pretty but it’s necessary for positive change.
One of my learnings is I’ve not been one to establish boundaries with those I care about and that has sometimes meant I have allowed myself to be taken for granted. My desire to see the best in those near and dear to me has at times overshadowed their flaws to the detriment of myself. It won’t change my generosity or the way I care about those in my life but I will ensure I have better boundaries. Those who know me, know I will always be there for them and most know I have put their needs first on many occasions but that can no longer be at the expense of my wellbeing.
I used to need validation but it’s no longer something I need or want. “Seeking validation will keep you trapped. You don’t need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. When you understand this you will be free”. When you do YOU in all it’s messy, real, raw, imperfect, open, chaotic yet calm and amazing beauty you fill your own happiness cup. When you give of yourself with no expectation of getting anything in return than your heart is pure. When your actions speak louder then words then you allow people to see the real you. I write because I love to write and I have been on one hell of a journey and have a story to tell. If that helps someone else that’s wonderful and ultimately I write because I’m passionate about it and hope that some of my readers can relate to my life or even get a little inspiration.
So I am unapologetically me. I’m completely unafraid of being myself. I’ll speak my truth and speak from the heart. You will always know how I feel and if you are one of my people I will have your back 100% of the time, whether you are there or not. I believe loyalty is when someone defends you in your absence and I’ve done that countless times. I don’t care how wealthy you are, how successful you are, how many material things you have or how popular you are as it’s irrelevant and does not determine the goodness of a person. I care about your loyalty to me, how you treat me and others. How real you are and whether you are there for me unconditionally and without judgement.
If I want to sing I will, regardless of being unable to. If I want to dance, I will because it makes me happy. If I want to meet you out the front of my apartment complex wearing something ridiculous I will because I know it will make you smile. If I want to do yoga on the beach or meditate on a rock overlooking the ocean I will. If you need to talk I’m always there to listen. If you need to cry, I’ll cry with you and then we will laugh until our belly hurts. If you have a problem we will find a solution together. If you need me for any reason I’ll be by your side. My friendship is unconditional. My love is unconditional. I will always be unapologetically myself flaws and all, not everyone will like me and that’s ok, for those who are in my life, know that you will always have someone in your corner.
Don’t ever apologise for being the incredible, imperfect, crazy and glorious person that you are in all your authenticity. There is nothing more beautiful than someone unafraid to be themselves in all their rawness.