Today I reflect upon my greatest gifts, my two kids. They are incredible human beings, with all their goodness, their individuality, their uniqueness and their flaws. My love for them is indescribable, they have always made me want to be a better person. They are the reason I have dragged myself out of bed on my lowest days and my inspiration to be the best me that I can be. Their dad and I are no longer together but they have taken the best of us and are our biggest blessings.
I lost my first baby when I was 13 weeks pregnant and I still remember the loss and pain and I have over the years wondered what it would be like if things were different but I don’t dwell on it and understand it happened for a reason. If it hadn’t have happened, I would not have the beautiful kids that I do. So life is just how it is meant to be.
My daughter is this amazing young woman with an inner strength and courage that I aspire to. She has taught me so much and has this wonderful ability to relate to troubled kids and become someone they can rely on. She can always see the good in people and understands that often people’s behaviour is due to deeper issues and people are a product of their environment. She is gentle and kind but can put you in your place instantly. She has learnt to wear her quirkiness like a badge of honour.
When I look at my son he is now a young man but all I see is the little mumma’s boy that still comes out every now and again. He is quick witted with a dry sense of humour, that throughout school many a teacher did not understand. He is full of bravado but a softie at the core. He is a hard worker and will help anyone. He likes to share his 22 year old wisdom which is often misguided but that will never stop him. A very loyal person with a heart of gold. He followed his sister’s lead of being different and not always following the crowd.
My daughter and I used to meditate together starting when she was about 3, sometimes just the two of us and sometimes with a couple of her little friends. It was never greatly successful as she could not seem to keep still and would ask what birds were chirping in the meditation music! When I would explain to her this was our quiet time, she would always have an excuse to talk! Truth be told I needed a rest and was hoping she would have a little nap! I did not even attempt this with my son because I know I would have become a road for him to drive his toy cars and trucks over.
When they were little I had this lovely lady who would give me massages at home. I so love a massage but unfortunately these were not the most relaxing of massages. I would try and schedule them at nap time but it did not always work out that way. There’s something about laying on a massage table, smelling the essential oils and a child under the massage table giggling and blowing raspberries on your face, that is the opposite of relaxation!
They are my why. They are my reason to continue growing and evolving. It would seem a contradiction to say I walked away from my old life to better myself for my kids because kids want their parents together, however, I am a healthier , happier and stronger person and that inturn benefits them. My daughter actually said to me recently ” mum you made the right decision, you have found that person who was lost for so many years and now you are back and even better”.
I have taught my kids that happiness comes from within but you need to be in the right environment and sometimes that means making really hard decisions that can be painful but the end goal is so much more rewarding for everyone. I have shown them that the difficult decision or choice of where you “should” be and where you truly “want” to be can be made and you should always follow your hearts desire. I have taught them that comfortable isn’t enough, ok isn’t enough and they should aspire to wanting the best from themselves and anyone they share their life with. I have taught them you can change your story at anytime. They should want nothing less than extraordinary!
I have made plenty of mistakes along the way and as parents you do the best with what you know and what you have available at the time. I have been too soft at times and perhaps over-protective but my love for them will always be completely unconditional. They know they can call me at any hour and I will always be there for them. They know that I will be honest with my advice but they also know I will not judge them and whatever happens we will work things through until we find the best solution. After all as humans we are all perfectly imperfect and as parents, mistakes are inevitable!
No matter what I do in life, what they do in life, what successes I have and all the blessings I receive, these two remarkable human beings will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. They are adults and have their own lives and I have my own life but nothing and nobody will ever break the bond I have with my kids. Forever loving them both.
” A mother will only ever be in 1 or 3 places. In front of you to cheer you on, behind you to have your back, or beside you so you aren’t alone”.