A piece I wrote for the Elephant Journal a while back. Written from a woman’s perspective but relates to men also. Our physical age cannot be changed but the way we see ourselves, our energy, passion and how we choose to harness our gifts-absolutely can be changed. When you inspire yourself, you inspire others.
I have read a few depressing articles in recent weeks about life after fifty for a woman. JLo get’s thrown in there as some fantasy that everyday women cannot achieve and quite frankly, if a reader was in dark headspace, these articles would likely tip them over the edge.
Here’s the thing, JLo is a rarity! Put it down to good genes, wealth, the best trainers and chefs. Then of course there’s all the judgement and even bitterness of her good fortune and whether she has or has not had some “help” or surgery. But let’s make it clear the woman works f*cking hard to maintain her health and appearance- so I say good for her and rather than bitching about her-instead use her for inspiration.
I feel pretty bloody incredible. I know for many women it’s a tough time and I myself have been through quite the tsunami over the past few years, where there were moments I felt broken. But we have a f*cking choice ladies– we either allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity and convince ourselves we are unworthy and our life is over OR we kick our own ass, do the inner work required to change our beliefs and rediscover ourselves, our purpose and our passions.
Yes at times we live in an ageist society and we have to navigate the world of changing hormones, changing lives and those who are judgemental. Perhaps it’s our own perception and insecurities that are half the problem? Instead of being triggered by everything- how about we start to look at ourselves and work on US rather than worrying about everyone else’s opinion? We are in control of ourselves and we can be who we want to be! What other’s think of us is none of our business and those who judge have their own insecurities.
We are women in what can be our prime. Too much focus on attractiveness being solely based on appearance. Energy is attractive. Confidence is attractive. Humour is attractive. Intelligence is attractive. Passion is attractive. Self-care is attractive. Self-aware is attractive. Authenticity is attractive. Openness is attractive. Kindness is attractive. Compassion is attractive.
Independent and interesting women, that know what they want and are proud of their bodies-regardless of whether there are some wobbly bits or stretch marks. We don’t need to compete with 20 year olds! We don’t need to compete with anyone! We are f*cking beautiful, creative, smart, funny, sexy beings with the wisdom from years of learnings and an essence uniquely our own.
I do not feel one bit invisible. I feel alive. I feel vibrant. I am funny. I am intelligent. I am confident and I am constantly being told I have an energy about me that people are drawn to. It’s true to say, I did not always feel this way and I most certainly lost myself for a time, but the beauty in losing yourself is finding the courage to re-invent yourself. To take a good, long, hard look in the f*cking mirror and allow yourself to dance with your shadows. To do the hard inner work and to learn and grow.
Many of us women are givers and at times we give so much we leave ourselves empty. It’s our responsibility to stand up and take action for our own happiness. Stand in your power ladies- rediscover your purpose and work towards it every single day with love and passion.
Don’t like something about yourself? Change it! It’s not going to change by whinging about it. It’s going to change when we put a plan in place to actively work on the parts of ourselves we don’t like. The parts of ourselves we are not completely happy with. Whether that be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.
Yes it’s true as we age we are more prone to health issues and sometimes these are unavoidable and out of our control BUT why sit there waiting for sh*t to happen? Why give ourselves negative self-talk, which eventually becomes a belief? What we think we become! We are the creator of our life and there’s plenty we can do for ourselves.
We can choose what we eat. We can choose to exercise. We can choose to adopt some relaxation practises. We can choose to look after our skin and our hair. We can choose to learn. We can choose to stay in relationships or jobs. We can choose to be passionate. We can choose to be kind. We can choose to speak our truth.
The point is WE can CHOOSE.
So at 52 years old I own the amazing woman I am. I’ve worked f*cking hard to get to this place and I’m damn proud of myself! I look at younger women and have no envy whatsoever. I’ve been there-I’ve lived those years and now I get to live the life of a woman who is more than comfortable in her own skin. Who knows she has so much to offer. A woman who knows the energy she emits is something special. A woman who feels seen and valued but most of all a woman who values herself!
To all you ladies out there feeling “middle aged and frumpy”- YOU choose how you see yourself and you can decide whether that serves you or not. If you feel invisible that’s because YOU think you’re invisible. When you feel sh*t about yourself your energy runs on a lower frequency and you tend to not work on yourself. My challenge to you is see yourself how YOU want to be seen-then act accordingly by putting things in place to change what’s not working for you. Not always easy I know but possible. Anything is possible!
Fifty two and f*cking fabulous and why shouldn’t we be!!
“Aging is an extraordinary process, where you become the person you always should have been”.