It Was Time- She Let Go

A piece I wrote last year for the Elephant Journal. Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes holding on causes far more damage. Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.

“One of the most peaceful moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change”.

It was an internal war, a conflict waged inside her head. Confusion and uncertainty, unsure of what she was fighting for. A gamut of fierce emotions and feelings, burning inside of her- from the moment she awoke, until the moment she drifted off to sleep.

Vivid dreams, a kaleidoscope of colours and people. Of happiness and pain. Joy and sorrow. A subconscious muddle of thoughts, signs and messages. A battle between the past and the present.

Torn between hanging onto something she no longer knew or even understood. Or letting go. Surrendering and trusting that she was exactly where she needed to be. Opening herself up to the universe. Having complete faith.

Understanding you can hold onto the moments, the memories but still let go of the past.

Within the peace, stillness and clarity of her meditations- she lets go.

As she tended to the daily mundane chores- mindlessly washing the dishes, making her bed, folding her clothes- she lets go.

Shivering in her invigorating cold morning shower, which always amuses her as she jumps around giggling – she lets go.

Feeling into her yoga poses, grateful for the healthy and fit body that she has- she lets go.

Sitting in the quiet on her rock, overlooking the vast and magnificent ocean, she inhaled a deep and calming breath. Mesmerised as she watches the surfers- she lets go.

Succumbing to the emotion, the f*cking brutal, all engulfing pain. Allowing the tears to wash down her face. The sobs to catch in her throat. Allowing herself a minute of reflection as the memories flood her- she lets go.

Walking barefoot on the sand and grounding herself. Running in and out of the refreshing salt water. Listening to her music and marvelling at the beauty that surrounds her, she opens her arms and with a smile she looks up to the sky- she lets go.

Losing herself and finding herself in nature. Trees, mountains, waterfalls-walking wherever her feet will take her- she lets go.

Having dinner with friends. A glass of wine. Open and honest communication. Good company and laughter- she lets go.

Focusing on her goals- her dreams. Passionately working hard to get where she wants to be. Ticking off her to do lists- she lets go.

Going within and dancing with her shadows. Visiting her light and her dark. Challenging her old beliefs. Growing. Evolving. Feeling. Dealing and healing- she lets go.

Forgiving herself. Forgiving others. Accepting people for who they are and not who she thought they were. Understanding people are on their own path- she lets go

Soaking up the warmth of her nightly shower, or laying back in her bath, as she washes away everything that no longer serves her. She washes away the day. The week. The year. The past- she lets go.

Spending time with her family. So thankful she has such incredible gifts in her life. With an inner contentment- she lets go.

Closing her eyes as she lay in bed, she allows herself to remember. She remembers undeniable love. She remembers excruciating despair. She remembers beautiful words said and the deafening silence of words unsaid. Promises made that could not be kept and the lessons she learnt. As she drifts off to sleep- she lets go.

Moments never forgotten. Feelings never denied. Her soul bursting with love. Her heart filled with forgiveness. With the grace of the Goddess she is- she lets go.

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul”.

Published by Michelle

After a long marriage, 2 children (now grown), a separation and embarking on a brand new life, I have realised life is always a journey. I have made mistakes, I have hurt and been hurt, I have loved and I have lost and at times I completely lost myself and forgot the Queen that I am. As women we are the nurturer, the caregiver but sometimes we underestimate the Goddess within us and my journey has made me realise that when our crown is crooked, we need to adjust it ourselves and remember the Queens that we are! This will be a blog about what I have learnt, what I am continuing to learn and how we can help each other. I will talk about all things love and life and at times this will be controversial but life and love is never black and white but varying shades of grey. We live in a judgemental society and so many of us live our lives according to the expectations of others, rather than doing or being what truly makes us happy. I hope you join me on my journey and on my quest to find that Inner Goddess and we can learn from each other and we can discuss the judgements and societal expectations that hold so many of us back. It's time to seek our inner happiness!!

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