A lot can happen in 33 years!

I was reminded today of my extensive career with the one organisation and the amount of not only funny but ridiculous things that I have been involved in, or that have happened to me! I arrived home today to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers at my front door, which momentarily startled me as I live in a security building, so was unsure how they got there. Anyway, this quickly subsided as a more exciting thought popped into my head! Who could these possibly be from? Did I have an admirer? A secret love interest I was not aware of? Ripping the card open with such anticipation, I found myself disappointed! Who is ever disappointed when receiving flowers? Well me in this case as they were from my boss saying he appreciates me! Yes I know, that’s a lovely gesture and the flowers are gorgeous but truly wouldn’t flowers from a secret admirer be much more thrilling? It would be a completely different blog that’s for sure!

This made me think of all of the shenanigans over the past 33 years. When I first started we didn’t have the politically correct policies in place that we have now. It was nothing to have strippers in the work place! On one particular occasion the female stripper dressed as a policewoman with a whip, do police carry whips, well this one did and she pushed this poor guy down onto all fours, after stripping this mortified boy down to his undies and gently whipped him! I will never forget the look on his face as the 20 plus females cheered it on. Worst of all is the old adage of wear good underwear in case you get hit by a bus! He clearly had not heard that before!!

On one very special day, I caught the train as I usually do at peak hour, so the train was packed. Once I arrived at my destination, I walked the 20 minutes to my workplace, stopping off for my usual vegemite toast and hot chocolate at my favourite cafe. I was in a happy mood and it was a beautiful day. I finally arrived at my workplace and we had this lovely old man who used to open the door for us everyday, he was a sweetheart and reminded me of my grandfather. As always he greeted me with a happy good morning and a big smile and as I walked past him, he tapped me on the shoulder and very discreetly said “love, your dress is tucked into your pantyhose”! Well….could I have been anymore embarrassed. I had walked from my car to the train station, stood on the platform, caught the peak hour train, walked to my workplace via the cafe to get breakfast and NOT ONE SINGLE person could tell me my dress was tucked into my pantyhose, displaying my whole backside in all its glory! I’m guessing there were some very amused people after seeing me that particular morning.

Now we move onto the day I have computer issues. Having an IT Helpdesk was helpful until they would ask you a whole host of questions, none of which you could answer as we were not the experts. Anyway this day they had me looking at all these cords and what they were plugged into, meaning I had to climb under the desk. That’s all fun and games until you get stuck under the bloody desk and require the support of your co-workers, to come and get you out. As they pulled me out somehow one of the cords had managed to get entangled around my ankle and with the pressure it ripped the computer off the desk, which went smashing to the floor! So I was out and safe but now I had to explain to my manager how I smashed a computer!

Speaking of under desks…when I was a lending manager I was doing a loan for a young couple when their child climbed under my desk. Having young kids of my own, I was not bothered at all with this and let little precious play under there. Several minutes later a horrendous odour wafted up from under the desk and as I bent down to see what was happening, I was met with little precious who had taken his own nappy off and wiped his poo all over the far wall and floor! I calmly advised parents what precious had done and they promptly picked him up and left to “clean him up”! Well they never came back did they, so there I am under the desk again, this time cleaning up a lovely decoration of poo! It’s funny now but can I just say at that time my blood was boiling.

Then we have the many overnight offsites I attended. There was always far too much drinking and they usually ended in a very warped game of charades and some very weary people the next morning. One of these offsites stands out more than the others and this involved someone who had more then there fair share of drinks and one very “special” brownie.- let’s call him “Brian”. Apparently he consumed too much and was found, floundering around in the bushes outside one of the villas. We get the full story the next morning. “Brian” was in quite the state and thought that staff were going to kill him, so he had to hide, commando style in the bushes! He even typed a message to his partner telling her of this, should something happen! We laugh about this now and the fact that these brownies even managed to make an appearance. I’m just glad everyone survived!!

Now I couldn’t possibly do this blog without sharing a very entertaining work party we had as a farewell to one of our bosses. As I was in charge this party was fancy dress, and can I just say the costumes were incredible. I was a French maid, we had Barney Rubble and Fred Flinstone, Xena Warrior Princess and Braveheart and a magnificent Carmen Miranda with the most vibrant fruitbowl you can imagine on top of her head. Of course there were many other wonderful ensembles, but I have laid out the troublesome cast. The night was going swimmingly, there were drinks to be had and dancing taking place, what could go wrong? Let me tell you what went wrong.. Carmen was also an Australian Softball Player, the teams catcher actually. When Barney Rubble asked Carmen for a bit of a spin on the dance floor, I did not think she would spin out of control onto the floor breaking her wrist!

Picture this if you will. Barney wanting to show his dance moves, spins Carmen into a sequence of turns and somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd turn Carmen loses balance and is sprawled on the floor. Having heard the muffled scream and seeing Carmen’s face I knew we had a problem, an ambulance was called. Now Barney was in quite the state fearing he has potentially ended Carmen’s professional softball career, Carmen is now trying to breathe through her pain and I’m sitting beside her being a frenchmaid nurse. Paramedics arrive and Carmen demands the painkillers, like she was angry, Barney is near in tears, Fred is trying to calm Barney down when next I hear some sort of commotion coming from the kitchen (we are in a hired hall). I turn to see Braveheart trying to get a beer out of the glass fridge, whilst yelling “they may take away our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom”. Xena promptly saved the night just before the glass fridge fell on top of Braveheart! So now we have smashed bottles of beer on the kitchen floor that Xena is trying to clean and Carmen being stretchered off to the ambulance. Lastly you have us all outside, demanding to go to hospital with Carmen at midnight on a Saturday night at which the kind paramedics suggested we just GO HOME. We did go home and we went to visit Carmen the next day in normal clothes, however, Carmen was still Carmen sitting up there in hospital with her broken wrist! What a fun group of people we are to party with..

Then I have my most recent exploit where I am wearing this oriental sort of dress and it has these flaps at the front and back. Working very diligently in one of our commercial offices, I’d been to the bathroom, I’d wandered around to the kitchen and made several cups of tea over a period of time and chatted to a couple of people. Now these offices are fairly empty and can I just say, praise the lord that they are, because the back flap of my dress was tucked into my undies. This clearly happened at my bathroom visit and I did not notice until I had another bathroom visit and walked past a mirror! How much time had gone by is anyones guess? Who saw my derrière is anyones guess? What I can tell you is I’m thankful we are in hibernation so I do not have to go back there anytime soon!!

I’ll finish on a small accident I had one day upon leaving work. I drove out of the buildings carpark, slowly up the ramp, heading to the road when junior on a bike comes full pelt down the sidewalk and drastically somersaults across the front of my car! I was in shock and for a few brief seconds thought I’d killed the kid. Relief swept over me as junior jumps up with his hands in the air, announcing that all was ok. The side of my car, however, was a little dinged up and his bike was bent a tad out of shape but junior had no visible injuries. Now because he was riding so fast down the footpath and not watching for driveways or anything else this accident was his fault, so he had to pay the insurance excess. After it was all over and everyone was alive with details exchanged, we find out he was the next-door neighbours nephew! Aah small world, lucky I didn’t kill him, the neighbours would have been angry I assume…just kidding.

These are just a few of the shenanigans that have taken place over the years, there are so many more, as you can imagine. I’ve recently used sage sticks to smudge some of our branches which confuses and bemuses some of the staff as most have no clue what is going on. I’ve locked myself in bathrooms, accidentally and required assistance to get out. I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs and sprained my ankle. I’ve accidentally activated the fly up screens in the branch whilst customer are being served. I’ve turned up to work with only one shoe or wearing two different shoes. And as an extra special treat my mates took me out for my 19th birthday for lunch and made me drink! I gobbled a mouthful of peppermint chewing gum because I did not want to get in trouble from the boss if he smelt alcohol on my breath, however, this ended up as my downfall. I was now serving a customer, thinking I was responsible and feeling fine, when the chewing gum flew out of my mouth and landed on the glass window between myself and customer. I was quickly admonished and sent to the lunchroom to “rest”. They then put me in a taxi and sent me home. I did not know whether I would have a job upon my arrival the next day but all was forgiven with strict warning to not let it happen again.

So here I am 33 years later getting a surprise flower delivery from my boss, appreciating me! Who knew I’d survive that long and actually be appreciated! What fun it is to be able to now drink in the middle of the day whilst you work because I’m working from home! Joking, I’m not actually day drinking but seriously some days it would make the day more interesting. Hope you all have as much fun at work as me….

Published by Shell

After a long marriage, 2 children (now grown), a separation and embarking on a brand new life, I have realised life is always a journey. I have made mistakes, I have hurt and been hurt, I have loved and I have lost and at times I completely lost myself and forgot the Queen that I am. As women we are the nurturer, the caregiver but sometimes we underestimate the Goddess within us and my journey has made me realise that when our crown is crooked, we need to adjust it ourselves and remember the Queens that we are! This will be a blog about what I have learnt, what I am continuing to learn and how we can help each other. I will talk about all things love and life and at times this will be controversial but life and love is never black and white but varying shades of grey. We live in a judgemental society and so many of us live our lives according to the expectations of others, rather than doing or being what truly makes us happy. I hope you join me on my journey and on my quest to find that Inner Goddess and we can learn from each other and we can discuss the judgements and societal expectations that hold so many of us back. It's time to seek our inner happiness!!

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