Should I take up surfing?

I walked down the beach this afternoon, as I do everyday and there was a decent swell and a heap of surfers out, so I decided to watch for a while. I have always found it calming watching the ocean and I’ve always marvelled at the skill of surfers and the “no fear” attitude they seem to have. Some of you may know I did dabble a little in surfing, learning to duck dive, paddle out the back and sit on the board. Truth be told sitting on the board out the back was my favourite part a) because I managed to get out there and b) I looked the part and just looked like I was patiently awaiting the “right” wave.

My inspiration at the time was the movie Puberty Blues of course and let’s not forget the High School boyfriend was a surfer. My attempt at comparing myself to Layne Beachley was not without incident, actually to be honest it was fraught with several incidents but the fact I love a challenge and am always open to try things, I persevered.

There was the time I paddled and actually caught a wave only to neglect the “road rules” of surfing and I dropped in on someone, really it was more like a crash, with a smashing of the boards and a hurling of abuse towards me, the girl who apparently had no business being in the ocean with a board! At that point I thought it best to just be quiet, lay on the board, wait for a wave to either drown me or send me quickly back to the beach.

Then we have what I like to refer to as “if I had an adam’s apple I think I just broke it”. This my friend’s was a very frightening experience. Not deterred by the board crashing incident, I ventured back in the water. As I was paddling out a wave knocked me off the board and this is the blurry bit as I do not actually know whether someone rode their surfboard into me with the front of it hitting my throat or whether it was my own board hitting me. Anyway at this point I thought the bone had been smashed and panic quickly overtook any rational thought. I managed to get myself in and a lifeguard came to help me. It was a good ten minutes of terror before I realised I was in fact still breathing and could swallow, so all must be ok.

Now the next incident has possibly scarred my children. Encouraging them to hire a board so I could “teach” them to surf on a holiday in Coffs Harbour was an easy task. So board in hand, off we toddle down the beach. Into the water we go and remembering all those skills I had acquired years before, I was quick to start teaching them. They both took turns and frustration set in as it wasn’t as easy as they thought it would be. Thankfully, with all my knowledge, past experience and skills I took the board keen to show them what I could do, how blessed are they to have a mum with such skill and ability?!

I show them how to get from the laying position into the sitting position, remember that’s how you look the part, but alas not all went to plan. As I popped myself up into the sitting position like a pro, there was first a squeal and then laughter. I couldn’t imagine what they would find so amusing, given I had pulled this off with such ease and then…. I saw it. I looked down and one of my “melons” had dislodged herself from beneath the swimwear. So whilst I’m propped up on a surfboard looking like I’m ready to catch my wave in the world championships, my left melon had decided to take a peak. The children quickly removed themselves from near me and I rolled off that board, adjusted myself like the queen that I am and after the initial laughter and them telling anyone that would listen, we never spoke of it again!

The last incident I recall was an argument I had with High School boyfriend, he was being quite nasty so I jumped in my car and reversed. When I heard the crack and him yelling I realised, he had not moved his surfboard from behind my car and I ran straight over the top of it, smashing it in two. In panic I put the car in drive and drove forward over it again, well that was the end of that board. I am honestly not sure whether I even felt bad after that.

So with gyms closed and so many sports banned whilst we are in hibernation, I was thinking surfing would be a good option? I would wear a wetsuit to prevent any unnecessary displays. If I manage to get myself out the back, I can look the part but the concern I have is getting myself back in, as I’m not sure I actually want to catch a wave. I do feel walking to the beach in my wetsuit and carrying a board would have me looking like someone who can actually surf. I could acknowledge the other surfers like we are part of an elite gang. I could wax my board, mainly because I like the smell of the wax. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll meet a group of surfers who wear president masks and rob banks and a Keanu Reeves lookalike will need my expertise to help him crack the case!

Anyway that was today’s thought bubble after watching 20 minutes of surfing at the beach this afternoon. Should I take up surfing?