We have all heard the term “mid-life crisis” and many of us conjure up thoughts of a balding man, driving around in a red convertible, with or without his 22 year old secretary! For some this is close to reality but for many others, is it a mid-life crisis or is it the need and desire to perhaps find oneself?
The dictionary definition is “a period of emotional turmoil in middle age caused by the realisation that one is no longer young and characterised by a strong desire to change”. Personally, I never really had an issue with my age. I have never hidden it or lied about how old I am and I’ve never succumbed to any form of “work” not that I judge anyone who does choose to do that! For me there was a strong desire to change my direction in life. I was not unhappy but I wasn’t happy either and I felt I had lost myself as a woman. I was so many things to so many people but my cup was empty.
I cannot identify how many years I spent in a form of self imposed hibernation. I went to work, I still kept in contact and caught up with friends and family and I was there for my kids who are my world but I did little for myself. I questioned myself over and over again and as I think back I believe over this period parts of my old self shutdown as did the relationship with my husband. Whilst I knew things were not right, I plodded along, thinking I had to settle in this life, until one day I woke up and I mean literally it was just like that, I woke up and realised I needed to make significant changes, if I was going to be who I knew I could be.
2 years on and I live alone by the beach and it’s a very different life to the one I had before. I am still on a journey but I am more myself than I have been in a very long time. I am learning to fill my own happiness cup and I know in time I will be blessed because I am putting in the hardwork on myself. The one thing that will never change is the way that I love and care for those in my life and the gratitude I have for everything in my life and for what is yet to come.
So mid-life crisis or journey of self discovery? I know people much younger than myself who have questioned things and started working on themselves to change their life, so perhaps it’s more about wanting something more? Wanting to be a better version of yourself? Knowing that just settling is not enough to have the very best life? The hard part of these “crisis” is inevitably people get hurt and I highly doubt, that is ever anyone’s intention but it is often a side effect. Is it selfish to want more- not more material things but more out of life? To know you aren’t where you should be? Is it wrong to not want to just settle but to find and live your very best life? Knowing that if you force yourself to stay somewhere it’s worse in the long run, and will result in more pain all round?
If we are honest with ourselves and realistic, we would see that there has been hurt and pain for most people involved in the lead up to such a decision. If you are staying somewhere too afraid to move because it will be hard, there will be pain or you are worried about what others will think you are lying to yourself and everyone around you. You are doing a disservice to yourself and everyone around you and why would you want to do that to yourself or those you care about? You can’t pretend forever and it eventually catches up with you.
At the end of the day I think all you can do is be honest with yourself and if that means moving out of a situation be that a marriage, relationship, job, friendship or whatever then that’s what you need to do. We all deserve the chance to be happy and so do those around us. I have always been spiritual but I have really regained my spirituality and I am a huge believer of everything happens for a reason and nobody comes into your life by accident. We are all energy and we attract into our lives how we think and what we feel at the time. All we can do is work at being the very best version of ourselves which will benefit all those in our lives.
So in summary yeah there are no doubt douchebags out there who need the validation that they can feel younger again and fill that stereotypical picture of a bit of an obnoxious dickhead but for me and many others I know we are just trying to find ourselves and live our best authentic lives. We would rather be alone than living with someone and feeling lonely. Happiness comes from within, however, you need to be in an environment that allows you the freedom to grow, evolve and work on yourself and a place where you can be yourself without judgement. You need to be completely honest with yourself and if that means moving on then gather your strength and do that. Those in your life who love and care about your wellbeing will fully support you, knowing that YOU are the only one who can make the decision to do what is best for you physically, mentally and spiritually.
I am 51 years old and it’s been a long time since I have felt this fit. It’s been a long time since I have felt this independent. It’s been a long time since I have felt this motivated. It’s been a long time since I have looked in the mirror and am happy with what I see and being brave enough to start this blog and write again has been a very long time coming. I’m proud of how far I have come and am grateful to everyone that has been on the journey with me. The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
Speak your truth. Stand tall. Adjust your crown and remember the QUEEN that you are!